// Whats My Name

And iiiiii-iiiii--iiiiiii

Can't sing

But here's the thing

This story takes place

Where singing bad is no disgrace.

Because everyone does it.

At this place it really don't matter

If your voice is so bad

It makes glasses shatter.

This story takes place at a church.

A place where you should not

Talk, fart or birch.

But singing bad is acknowledged.

Maybe even a little encouraged.

So. What the hell are you doing in a church?

I will tell you what the hell I am doing in a church.

Basically, I am kinda

Generally triyna

ignore

That the setting

Is the wedding

Of

The Love of my Life.

Which would be quite nice

If i were to marry the bride.

But I am not.

Instead

I stand here,

Doing..what I cannot.

I am singing.

But more so I am thinking.

How I could lose the fight

For said love of my life.

I am smart, if not brillant.

I am fast yet diligent.

I look good, if not great.

The cookbook Is my mate

I repair better than a janitor

I write letters to the editor

I love sports as well as chores.

I earn more than any of my friends.

& when I am drunk I even can dance.

Let alone my skills in the bed.

Basically all my last women said

That they consider it the greatest luck

That it was me who gave them their latest…kiss on the cheek.

Now, me being all so modest

I don't see how one could protest.

I think pretty much

she should hit me up.

And not the guy she is now about to marry.

I want to shout so madly:

Don't do it!

Don't do it!

He is an idiot.

I should be the one to stand

Next to her holding her hand.

Putting the ring on her finger.

Not the one worrying about

How i am such a bad of a singer.

We could be ultimate lovers.

She's the a to my o

She's the answer to my echo

She's the punch to my lines

She's the puns to my rhymes.

She's the bridge to my abyss.

But more than all of this

She should not. become his.

Oh, how much i wish

That when he asks

She would decline

Because then she could be mine.

But now she never will

Find out that I love her still.

Now our Love will be one-sided forever

For I never dared to actually tell her.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

- "If any person here can show cause why these two people should not be joined in holy matrimony,

speak now or forever hold your peace."

And if this sentence is said by the priest

Everyone knows

That it's the christian code

For "shut the fuck up". Please.

- "Speak now or forever hold your peace."

But Oh my god!

No, I should not

shut the fuck up, please!

The chance is mine to seize.

So I hold my breath

And noticed that

The bride's family

Already stared at me

As i Looked up,

Then stood up

and screamed:

- "Don't do it!

Don't do it!

He's an idiot!"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand

Now EVERYBODY was staring at me.

- "Errr…is it too late to say

That I made the statement,

Hoping no one would take the shot?"

Mentioned the hooded mate of God

"In all the years I practiced

There never was none who acted

After I had said this."

- "Excuse me?"

Said the groom.

maybe aware of his imminent doom.

- "You heard me",

I muttered.

- "I am an idiot?"

The groom uttered.

- "He..he..is an idiot?"

The bride stuttered.

- "Yes, no, I don't know.

That's not my point,

But rather

that you two should not be joined

In holy Matrimony.

Please bride (I had forgotten her name)

You are the love of my life.

If you marry him now

If you give him your vow.

My suffering

Would be forever.

Say, do you think

We could be together?"

- "who the hell are you?",

The groom again.

- "I am the one who wishes you to take a broom and then..."

- "that's not what I asked for

Are you part of the

Fun-at-the-wedding-taskforce?

If so, i think you don't know what fun is."

- "Well, in that case my name is Hannes.

But could you stop your riot

And please be quiet.

I am trying to make a declaration of Love

And youre disturbing My preparation a lot."

So, a step forward to the bride I did

Not too close, to avoid the groom's fist

Not too far, to not miss the bride's whiff.

- "oh you."

Said the bride

As she forgot my name too.

- "Yes, me.

Oh and

I know, I might have destroyed your moment,

So I would like to apologize.

I had to do it because otherwise

I would regret it all my Life.

And my happiness could never be restored

But believe me

when you are bored,

I will be your fun.

When you're cold

I will be your sun.

I can turn old

I can play young.

I can stay bold

When others would run.

If you want help from above

I will be the nun.

If you search for Love

I shall be the one.

So finally as the last but not least thing

I even got us two these rings.

And although I know

They look very cheap,

Would you please just marry me?"

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

- "Holy shit!

Do you mean all of this?

Do you actually ask my bride

Who is just about to become my wife

To marry you?"

- "Yes Sir, very true

That's exactly what I do.

I saw the chance & had to seize it

Sorry, if it's hard for you to believe this

But technically the priest is

At fault.

He asked if we'd like this wedding

To come to a halt.

We should speak now of forever hold our piece.

And speak now I did.

How am I to blame if he's too shortsighted

Too naive to see this coming?

I know It's all very stunning.

But I only expressed my feelings"

"Holy shit!

Do you mean all of this?

Do you actually ask my bride

Who is just about to become my wife

To marry you?"

"Yes Sir, very true

That's exactly what I do.

I saw the chance & had to seize it

Sorry, if it's hard for you to believe this

But technically the priest is

At fault.

He asked if we'd like this wedding

To come to a halt.

We should speak now of forever hold our piece.

And speak now I did.

How am I to blame if he's too shortsighted

Too naive to see this coming?

I know It's all very stunning.

But I only expressed my feelings

And where should this be allowed

if not under these ceilings?"

"well, I am sorry.

Whoever is to blame.

Whatever damn game you're playing.

I can no longer let you desire

This woman you apparently admire.

Leave now or I'll set you on fire."

"On fire I already am.

But if this Is your wish

Then leave, I can.

After all I'm a civilized man

If you will, allow me some last words

They won't make this any worse."

"Bride (I still didn't remember her name)

Just so you know:

All this was not a show

You are this one woman

For which I would

Not only write one poem.

But hundreds, thousands, millions.

Okay maybe that's exaggerated.

However, don't be exasperated

If I rained on your parade.

Now, leave I shall

To prove that I only mean well."

So I walked out of the church slowly

Argonized by one thought only.

I might forever stay lonely.

Because of this stupid holy

Matrimony.

I got out of the chruch and into my Volvo

Pondering what I just had gone through.

And when I was just about to ride away,

Suddenly, the church opened its iron gates

Through which the bride then chased

Right towards my car.

Jumped in.

Screamed

"quick, QUICK!!

I did it,

I admit it

He IS an idiot.

Quick! Let's go!"

And That was something

I was not prepared for.

To say the least.

Therefore it was my inner beast

who would stay bold

And took control,

Hit the gas pedal

As if to win

some racing-class medal.

When my Volvo took off

its new tires were squealing

Past the entire herd leaving

The curch, following us.

They had the desire by screaming

To Make us two stop.

But it was too late.

We had escaped.

I was so happy

I could not stop to smile

Thus I only asked after quite a while:

"Hey bride,

What's your name again?"

Instead of answering she would just take my hand

Look at me with her eyes

And have me a bit surprised

When she said

"I love you"

Well, ain't this nice.

For then I had her

A bit surprised

When I said

"I love you

Is my name, too."